Baby I'm Sorry for How I Acted Parks and Rec
Episode: "Doppelgangers"
Writer: Donick Cary
Leslie: "Things are exactly the way there were back in 1817. Except, you know, women and minorities can vote, we have indoor toilets and we no longer burn widows for learning arithmetic."
Leslie: "There are two Eagleton departments that Pawnee does not have. The Department of Infinity Pool Design and the Department of Dressage, which I am told is a fancy horse riding thing."
Alonso: "It is horse dancing madam."
Leslie: "Ok, take it easy Alonso."
April: "Attention. Eagleton is now under martial law."
Leslie: "No."
Leslie: "Anyway, I also have a little surprise. I would like to introduce our new filing temp."
Jerry: "Hey everybody."
April: "Noooooo!"
Tom: "No! Why? This can't be happening."
Ron: "Why Leslie?"
Jerry: "Well when Leslie called to see if I could help Gayle and I were just getting on a cruise ship to the Bahamas. I said, 'Gayle, put that bikini away because Pawnee needs me.'"
Donna: "Hi. I'm Donna."
Craig: "Ugh. That is the perfect name for you. I love it. Never change it!'
Donna: "Wasn't gonna. You're Craig, right?"
Craig: "Ugh, yes. I hate that name. It's so boring. Sounds like someone's cousin. Craig. Craig. Wanna be a Spanish man named Terrence but that didn't happen."
Donna: "Ok."
April: "I'm sorry, was your name Jennifer?"
Tynnyfer: "No it's Tynnyfer with two Y's. I used to be Jennifer, but then I decided to rebrand myself. Oh wait. Hang on. It's Xanax o'clock."
April: "Um. Well, nice to meet you. My name's April and I just wanted to say that your dress is so cute. It's bonks."
Tynnyfer: "I saw my spinning instructor wearing it and I was like, 'Shut up where do I get that?'"
April: "Oh my god who's your spinning instructor? Gregory or Wynona?"
Tynnyfer: "I go to Yonis. Who are Gregory and Wynona? I've never heard of them before. Are they better?"
April: "Wynona rocks my world."
Tynnyger: "Seriously you need to get me in there. That's a must must must."
April: "She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her."
Ron: "Ron."
Ron: "Ron."
Ron: "Last name?"
Ron: "Dunne."
Ron: "Is that your name or are you telling me you're finished talking?"
Ron: "Both."
Ron: "Dunne and done."
Ron: "I like Ron."
Tom: "But scheduling's the main part of my job."
Ragiv: "You still have a human being in charge of booking tennis courts? What is this 1990? I guess that explains the shoulder pads."
Tom: "How'd he notice these?"
Leslie: "Hey. This is a surprise."
Ann: "Yeah. I just wanted to chat for a sec. You know, just so you could hear some things from me. Verbal things from my mouth. Did that sound weird?"
Ann: "Chris and I have been talking and we are thinking very seriously about leaving Pawnee and moving somewhere else to start our family- Oh my God. Look at that. It's waffles. Delicious waffles. Should we try? Yeah. Let's try."
Leslie: "Huh?"
Ann: "Mmmm."
Leslie: "Wait. What were you saying?"
Ann: "Try. Just enjoy. Yeah. There we go."
Ann: "Do you hear that galloping? What? Oh my- look at that. Joe Biden on a horse. Shirtless. That's amazing."
Leslie: "Look, if Ann wants to leave Pawnee I get it. Who wants to stay in the greatest town in the world with her best friend and be happy forever when she can abandon her soul sister like an old shoe and move to a garbage city full of jerks? I get it. No hard feelings."
Leslie: "Sorry for the delay, ladies. I was busy being ambushed by treachery."
Leslie: "Tynnyfer do you have kids?"
Tynnyfer: "Ew. No. I've had so much rejuvenation that I don't think a baby could get out of there if it tried."
Donna: "Yeah. Is there – and I'm just guessing here – some kind of medication that you maybe need a lot of and have taken none of or maybe too much of today?"
Craig: "Oh I have a medical condition all right. It's called caring too much. And it's incurable. Also I have Eczema."
Ron: "What is God's name is Freegan-Vegan?"
Leslie: "You only eat vegetables that have been thrown out in people's dumpsters."
Ron: "What is on your foot sir?"
Eagleton Ron: "My trusty sandals. I believe a man's feet should remain uncaged. Same goes for all chickens."
Ron: "I no longer like Ron."
Tom: "There is one thing no man or machine can beat Tom Haverford at – talking mad trash till I get what I want."
Chris: "You know what? This calls for some celebratory lunges."
Leslie: "I think Craig's gonna have to go."
Donna: "No, you should keep him. He's crazy intense, but I've never met anyone who cares more about this job."
Leslie: "Uh, Donna. I'm right here."
Donna: "No joke, he might care more than you."
Leslie: "Wait. What are you saying? Are you thinking about leaving?"
Donna: "I wasn't planning on it, but I could. You know I've got the condo in Seattle, the fiance in Denver…"
Leslie: "Huh?"
Donna: "It won't last."
Ann: "I'm sorry Ann. I can't understand you. You've developed some accent from that new town you might move to."
Leslie: "What's the big deal? I'm just trying to stop time with legally binding friendship contracts. What part of that do you not understand?"
Ron: "What is the name of all that is holy is that smell?"
Eagleton Ron: "Yerba Matte tea. Sweetened with Stevia. It's an all-natural plant extract. "
Ron: "Shut your damn mouth."
Eagleton Ron: "No need to curse."
Ron: "There most certainly is."
Leslie: "Do you think it would be weird if we held hands? Probably."
Ron: "This way please."
Leslie: "Excuse me, Ron. I am talking to my best friends. Let me go. Best friends attack Ron!"
Chris: "Ben. It has been an honor watching you work today. It's been like watching Leonardo work. Da Vinci or Dicaprio. You're that good."
Ron: "Ok. Enough is enough. What is wrong with you woman?"
Leslie: "I don't need to explain myself to you. I am the Czar. I can do as I please. Those who cross the Czar feel the wrath of the Czar."
Leslie: "Nice, Ron? Edible arrangements are nice. This is volcanically hot betrayal. She is my best friend. She's thinking about leaving just like that. And she wants to talk to me about it? It's like, I don't even know what to say."
Ron: "That you love her and you understand that it's her life and geography will never change your feelings."
Eagleton Ron: "Just remember Ron, giving into hate is like drinking saltwater. The thirst only grows worse."
Ron: "Leslie remove this man before I commit an act of violence against him."
Eagleton Ron: "Whatever you do I won't fight back."
Leslie: What I really want to say is, I'm sorry. You're my best friend. This whole thing is just scary and confusing. I love you. I want to talk about this, all of this whatever it means. Was that ok?"
Evelyn: "I guess it's good? Again, I barely know you or Ann so I don't have much to go off of."
Leslie: "Oh."
Ann: "Hey Leslie."
Leslie: "Hey. Uh. You are excused fake Ann. That was six hours well spent, I think."
Parks and Recreation airs at 8/7c on NBC.
Baby I'm Sorry for How I Acted Parks and Rec
Source: https://www.tvgoodness.com/2013/10/10/what-they-said-favorite-quotes-from-parks-and-recreation-doppelgangers/
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